Listening to Your Body: Why We Shift into Protection—and How to Restore Peace
- lisalewis24
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Last week, I had the privilege of leading a workshop for a women’s church group called Listening to Your Body: Why We Shift into Protection—and How to Restore Peace.
What I shared wasn’t just theory. It was my story.
How My Nervous System Learned to Protect Me
My parents divorced when I was three years old. There were more marriages and more divorces after that. Alcoholism shaped much of my childhood environment. Stability was unpredictable. Emotional safety was inconsistent.
Without realizing it, my nervous system adapted during my childhood and as I became an adult.
It learned to:
Worry and stay anxious
Scan the environment to determine the mood of my parents (and later, my spouse)
People-please
Fear making mistakes and strive for perfection
Experienced suicidal thoughts as a teen
Fear of being rejected
Prevent conflict at all costs
Fix everything
Minimize my needs
Feel guilty for resting
Overpack my days to prove I was “good enough”
Become rigid about routines
Spiral in my thoughts
For years, I thought this was just my personality.
Now I understand these were protection responses. My nervous system was doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep me safe.
Understanding the Nervous System: The Ladder
In the workshop, I introduced the nervous system using the “ladder” framework taught by Deb Dana.
Imagine a ladder with three main sections:
Top of the Ladder – Safety & Connection
This is where we feel calm, grounded, open, relational. We can think clearly. We feel connected to God and to others. This is where joy, creativity, and compassion live.
Middle of the Ladder – Fight or Flight
Here, the body mobilizes. Anxiety rises. We may feel irritated, defensive, controlling, perfectionistic, or overwhelmed. The goal here is protection through action.
Bottom of the Ladder – Freeze / Shut Down
This is collapse. Numbness. Hopelessness. Disconnection. Brain fog. Wanting to withdraw or disappear. The body conserves energy when things feel too overwhelming.
None of these states are bad. They are adaptive.
The problem isn’t that we move down the ladder. The problem is when we don’t know we’ve moved—and don’t know how to come back up.
The Bear in the Woods
Imagine you’re hiking and encounter a bear.
Your body instantly shifts:
Heart rate increases
Breathing changes
Muscles tense
You don’t pause to analyze it. Your nervous system decides: fight, flee, or freeze.
That response is life-saving.
But here’s the important distinction: many of us have nervous systems that react to modern stressors as if they are bears.
A child yelling. A boss criticizing. A conflict with a spouse. A near car accident.
Your body reacts first. Thoughts come second.
Understanding this changes everything. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” we begin asking, “What is my nervous system trying to protect me from?”
The Goal Is Not Perfection
The goal is not to always stay at the top of the ladder in safety and connection.
That’s unrealistic.
The goal is to notice when we’ve left safety—and learn how to gently guide ourselves back.
Another way of saying this is we are expanding our window of tolerance. We are increasing our capacity to experience stress, conflict, and challenge without automatically spiraling into anxiety or shutting down.
In the workshop, we mapped our individual nervous systems. Each woman reflected on:
What does safety feel like in my body?
What does fight/flight look like for me?
What does freeze look like for me?
What typically moves me up or down the ladder?
Awareness is the first step toward peace.
Befriending Your Nervous System
The invitation is simple:
Notice the state of your body in different situations.
Am I in safety and connection?
Am I in fight or flight?
Am I shutting down?
Begin incorporating small, daily practices that help regulate your nervous system and guide it back toward safety.
Deb Dana calls these practices “anchors.” They are small, consistent actions that signal safety to the body.
Some examples we discussed:
Hydrating your body
Eating balanced meals
Talking to a trusted support person
Listening to enjoyable music
Journaling
Taking breaks from social media
Spending time outside
Breathing exercises
Slowing down
Meditation
Grounding techniques
Moving your body (walking, stretching, yoga)
Getting adequate sleep
Practicing gratitude
Engaging in hobbies
Connecting with God
We want the top of the ladder to become our home base—the place we return to more regularly, even if we temporarily move down.
How This Work Has Changed Me
I still get anxious.
But now I understand my anxiety.
Instead of spiraling, I can pause. Instead of reacting, I can slow down. Instead of trying to control everything, I’m learning to release what I cannot control (this is ongoing 😊).
This work has helped me:
Implement boundaries
Recognize when I need rest
Respond instead of react
Develop a better relationship with myself
Strengthen my relationships with my family
Deepen my connection with God
Listen to and meet my own needs (I am the most qualified person to do that)
Most beautifully, I’ve come to see how the Atonement of Jesus Christ continues to heal me.
Through Him, my capacity has expanded.
I no longer feel the same urge to run away or shut down when things feel hard. I can tolerate discomfort longer. I can stay present. I can grow.
Healing hasn’t meant eliminating struggle. It has meant increasing my ability to remain anchored in peace while facing it.
If you recognize yourself in protection mode—whether that’s anxiety, people-pleasing, or shutting down—there is nothing wrong with you.
Your nervous system adapted.
Now, you have the opportunity to gently retrain it.
To listen. To notice. To befriend your body instead of fighting it.
And to allow God to meet you in the process of restoration.
Peace is not the absence of activation. It is the growing confidence that you know how to come home to safety again.
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